I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize