i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
