How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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