yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
