this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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