Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
