She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
