maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize