What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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