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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A+ Viking dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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