friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
