if i died would you start the facebook group?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
