Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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