Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
