I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
