I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
