Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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