my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
