Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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