She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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