Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
