I am full of burrito and curiosity
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
