True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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