My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Im part way to drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
