just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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