Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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