here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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