I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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