i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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