He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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