and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
