How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
