Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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