No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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