I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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