so explain again why im purple
no
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
