did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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