so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
