and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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