you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
