ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
