why didn't you poke me back
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
