The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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