She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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