You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
