NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
