We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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