grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
