Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
