where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
