Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
