Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
