Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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