if i can run in heels then i can drive
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
