How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize