I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
