Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
