ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He did a backflip because drugs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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