So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize