She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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