I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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