she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
