So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
