I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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