Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
