You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
