Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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