Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
