This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
