I wanna bring you to show and tell
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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