So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
