If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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