the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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