I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
