Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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