maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
