the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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