dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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