this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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