So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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