My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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