at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
