glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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