I'm laying in your front yard are you home
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
