My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
