We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
