I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
