Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
