girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
